Moby Dick, Mon

I was about to obey my brain and start writing a post entitled "Jamaican Cooking Lesson".

In fact, it would have gone a little something like this:

"Today I learned that dry rub is not a masturbation technique, but is instead a way to flavor chicken"

My brain kept running with the idea, though. The synapses had picked up the scent and were bowwowwowing their way to the real fugitive idea. I recalled that what I was making fun of was a way of preparing "jerk chicken". You see where my mind was going with this...

Almost there...

Which reminded me of the greatest innuendo ever written, Melville's "Moby Dick". I could talk your antennae off about the stuff in there. Most people snort at just the fact that (on one of many levels) it's a book about sailors. There's so much more there, though. The cooking of the sperm (with the not-oft-spoken-of-in-these-terms squishing of sperm chunks and finding other sailors' hands), Queequeg and Ishmael in their bunks, etc. In fact, it's like people who don't eat all the chicken off the bone. They just go for the easy stuff. Not my sister, though. She takes it down to the bone.

To

the

bone

.

Boo Radley

In addition to my super power of behaving like Boo Radley around women (slight exaggeration), I apparently have the qualities of a rare earth magnet. Does this mean I have flecks of iron sticking to my body? Fortunately/unfortunately, no. It means I strongly attract married women, lesbians, already-in-a-committed-relationship women, people who need directions, and Jesus avatars (ie, winos with a strong philosophic bent). Despite this, I am incredibly happy. Must be the puppy. Or the goat cheese. Je t'aime fromage de chevre.

calfe'en

Look! I didn't potty in my big girl pants.

Fear is the mind-killer

Metaphors fail me...You want to run on a campaign promise of providing hope instead of fear, then stop brainwashing people with this shit. You know what burns my ass more than a flame about yea high? The rhetoric of "We have to be successful 100 percent of the time and the terrorists only have to be successful once". Scary, huh? Then why don't you reassure the populace by telling them about the money you're pouring/not pouring into biodefense and preparedness. We'd all feel better knowing that there are jet cargo planes waiting to dispense vaccines in outbreak areas, that local health officials can work seamlessly with their federal counterparts, etc. Please repeat after me, America (and you thought sci-fi was all about space marines and chest busters):

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when ...

it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain."

---Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear