Create your Lego self

Be seeing you.

Nunya (as told to me by Monk Wilson)

Grandmother was picking up pecans in her front yard, when Daughter came by.

"Mother, stop bending over and showing all creation your backside."

"Daughter, is my underwear showing?"

"Yes!"

"No, it is not. I am not wearing any underwear."

Doublepluslessonful day

A quick post before beddy-bye. Lessonful, indeed:

1.) A corollary to the "absolute power" dictum is "an eensy-weensy bit of power corrupts absolutely" (you were expecting "eensy-weensily"?). Case in point, the clerk at the Bexar County sheriff's office. If you want the details, ask, but it involves one of my long-winded stories and allusions to Kafka's "The Trial" and John Schlesinger's film "Marathon Man".

2. You snooze, you lose. The friend with whom a mutual agreement was made that we would marry if we were unmarried by the age of 28 is married.

3.) I now understand my dad's philosophy that participating in marketing surveys is a citizen's duty. I understand it, I just don't practice it. In my case, I really wanted 25 dollars an hour for two hours of giving my opinion on the "usability" of a certain company's website. Again, if you're interested, you can ask, or just wait for my dad to take the bait and post a comment. He claims he doesn't know how to post a comment, but I think he's just being bashful.

4.) I utilize the car and the toilet for much the same purpose: useful reflection on life, the universe, and everything.

5.) During tonight's car ride home from mom and dad's house (how many families watch the debates together?) I figured out that my trouble (one trouble, at least) with romantic relationships is that I have been subconsciously modelling my behavior on Boo Radley. Not that I am preying on children, but that I'm nigh hopeless with communication yet at the same time idiot-savantically talented when it comes to finding tiny gifts for people I like.

6.) We have always been at war with Eastasia.

B9

Tonight, it's Buttercup versus the audience during the special "Battleship" version of Grackle Mundy. BYOB. C U THERE.

Recalibration

I don't do this often, because it is such a delicate instrument, but I need to recalibrate the guilt-o-meter. Right now it goes from "I farted" to "I love you". Would y'all mind giving it a once over and telling me if I've adjusted my settings correctly? Thanks in advance.

The Rule of Three

I am not sure where all of my political beliefs fall on the bell curve, but I do know this: I am for less government regulation of the cab and private investigation industries. I am probably against regulation of other industries, too. I just haven't wanted to be a baker yet.

Because of regulation:
I do not have my own private investigation company. In fact, if I provide investigative services without being licensed, it's a misdemeanor the first time; a felony the second. According to the State of Texas I need "three years of verifiable work experience performed on a full-time basis in the field of investigation". Bastards. Because of regulation, there is no listing for Amazing Grace Investigations in the phonebook. Our motto: What once was lost, now is found. (Also, I can't drive a Ferrari and wear short, tight shorts.)

Because of regulation:
I can't drive a cab because I do not have three years of licensed driving experience in the United States (or elsewhere, for that matter. Long/short story for another time.). The city subsidizes classes to teach drivers English, by the way.

You know why Uncle Henry can spin tales of his days as a longshoreman, newsie, alchemist and midwife? Because he didn't have the government breathing down his neck for three years of verifiable experience.